When Nicky sent me that text last night, I didn't want to believe it. I was so deeply in denial that I even hoped that Nicky was just playing some sick joke. But I knew, even if Nicky can cross a few lines every now and then, I just KNEW he would never kid around about something like that... and especially about him.
For those who were fortunate enough to have known him, either casually or intimately, they would be able to tell you that he was the most selfless, generous, and kind-hearted man they have ever met. In a world filled with greed, violence, and selfishness, there really is hardly anymore people like him... and knowing that just makes his passing that much more depressing. :(
He was not just a class advisor, he was a person to look up to - to admire. He would offer a helping hand even if you yourself knew that you didn't deserve it. I admit, I never really had the chance to get to know this man as much as the others sure have, and I truly regret that. But from what I did know, from what I DO know, is that he will forever remain in our memories as a person who TRULY cared about us...
I wish I could write a better blog about his memory, but the shock is much too fresh in my mind. I stayed up last night, trying to FORCE myself to believe that he is actually gone... but the pain was too unbearable for me to handle, so I allowed my ignorance to lull me to sleep. Some of you might be wondering why I'm so emotional about his passing considering that I only knew him through the class meetings and spirit week. And, quite honestly, I would probably be thinking the same if I were in your position. But really, if you met this man, if you had just one single conversation with him, his death would probably make quite an impact on you as well.
Why I choose to write during my break is beyond me... I'm just surprised that I'm still awake. x[ Yeah, this weekend has basically been a living academic hell. Three midterms, three papers, and one presentation to prepare for - I can't even begin to explain all the emotions I've gone through these past couple of days. :( Luckily, I've gotten a huge chunk done... all I really need to do is study for Asian American, which is totally going to suck since I haven't done ANY of the readings. All I'm hoping is that the lectures cover most of the subjects on the test since I already know for sure that I'm not going to finish a month's worth of reading in a few days. =/
Blahhhhh I'm tired of writing. I feel like going out... running, exercising, ANYTHING to get my body moving. Seems like I've done nothing but read, write, and complain this entire weekend.
...is the place where the rest of our lives begin - or so they say. It is where we go to expand our worldy knowledge, become more indpendent individuals, perhaps meet potential soulmates, and develop LIFE-lasting friendships.
Friends. I've known some of these people since high school, middle school, elementary, kindergarten, and one even before then. The memories we share are irreplaceable... and so are they themselves. I realize that life goes on and that the changes we will go through are inevitable, which may in effect alter what our friendships used to be. And I, for one, know that I am not ready to face that reality. But when I am forced to encounter it, to be awaken from my ignorance in order to face the severities of time, I pray that the differences we undergo will momentarily take a step aside in order for us to recount the memories that will remind us of the similarities we will always share.
I don't know what's going to happen the next time we meet nor do I even dare to imagine it. So, with that said, I wish you all the best of luck in your new beginnings. I LOVE YOU ALL and I will NEVER forget any of you. For, regardless of what happens, family never forgets family.
And as far as I'm concerned, you're all my family. <3
Butterfly - Mariah Carey
When you love someone so deeply they become your life It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside Blindly I imagined I could keep you under glass Now I understand to hold you I must open up my hands and watch you rise
Spread your wings and prepare to fly For you have become a butterfly Fly abandonedly into the sun If you should return to me We truly were meant to be So spread your wings and fly Butterfly
I have learned that beauty has to flourish in the light Wild horses run unbridled or their spirit dies You have given me the courage to be all that I can And I truly feel your heart will lead you back to me when you're Ready to land
Spread your wings and prepare to fly For you have become a butterfly Fly abandonedly into the sun If you should return to me We truly were meant to be So spread your wings and fly Butterfly
I can't pretend these tears aren't overflowing steadily I can't prevent this hurt from almost overtaking me But I will stand and say goodbye For you'll never be mine until you know the way it feels to fly
Spread your wings and prepare to fly For you have become a butterfly Fly abandonedly into the sun If you should return to me We truly were meant to be So spread your wings and fly Butterfly
